Loss - A portal into the Reality

Just some thoughts as they came today ....

Essential realizations for me on the path towards Reality:

• There is NO real loss - since nothing really ever belongs to us (ownership is egoic)
  
• There is NO ultimate meaning to search for - everything leads to ambiguity
• There is NO ultimate answer to anything - nothing can be completely known
  
• There is NOthing you can completely control - laws of nature run everything
  

The reason why I find these essential is that we spend so much of our lives in the false pursuit - of preventing losses or crying over losses, of trying to be 100% sure of something, looking for meaning (or cause) into everything and trying to control and determine everything.

Somehow we live in an amazing illusion (maya) that there is indeed genuine ownership, meaning, ultimate knowledge and ability to determine the outcome. We become captives of this compulsive illusion. So, how do you break this illusion and SEE the Reality?

Maybe these realizations sound trivial unless you have desperately tried to investigate your loss, or searched for a meaning for living and life. It is in such failed pursuits that one comes to the realization of the negative (no ultimate meaning, no ultimate ownership, no ultimate determining, no control). For me the pursuit became desperate with the loss of Samay - and the following multitude of losses. The loss became a portal (gateway) that opened up my eyes to the Reality - which was always there. On one hand all this sounds negative. However, actually it is liberating. It is liberation from having to prevent a loss, from having to discover the ultimate meaning and truth and from having to control. Without the pressure of succeeding, the pursuit of truth and meaning becomes more natural with open eyes and awareness. It is more an adventure where the path becomes more important because you are no longer looking for a destination.

So for me, loss opened up a window (portal) into the true state of Reality.

It is all a part of the Reality!

Meaning of Life and Living

For the last few years I have struggled to find the meaning of life and living. I have found no meaning. In fact, I am convinced that there is none. Or there is none that can be uniquely determined and confirmed. If you ask around you get answers like meaning of life is to discover life, to love, to help others, to enjoy .... none of that is convincing or satisfying. They all sound like just attempts to give a nice sounding answer. Maybe I am not yet ready to comprehend it. The most convincing approach to this is what Buddha apparently said "Search for the meaning of life is meaningless." What I take away from that is that the pursuit of finding a meaning will not reveal the meaning. It is a wrong approach to comprehend it; the meaning will become apparent to me when I am ready. Officially, I have dropped the pursuit.

However, I still have no answer. Actually, it has stopped bothering me most of the time. However, whenever I am feeling low, the sheer meaninglessness of life creates a vacuum in me. Meaninglessness makes me wonder what to look forward to in my life. Often, I think there is nothing to look forward to.

Another approach which I have come to like is just to live in the NOW (present moment) and not to think about past, future or the meaning of life. By focusing on enjoying the present moment, in what ever shape and form it comes in, I stop caring about the future and with that, also about the meaning of life. This works great as long as I can stay in the NOW. Unfortunately, the past and future always sneak back and often take full possession of me and with it the meaninglessness reappears. So the meaninglessness of life appears as a thought when I am not in the NOW.

So, maybe the meaning of life is just "living in the NOW" - without pursuit of anything. Otherwise, you are not really living.

It is all a part of The Reality.